- DARA's POV-
He's still ignoring me.
After I cleaned his house, washed the dishes, went through all the trouble to go find him at the basketball court..he's still ignoring me. I'm at a net cafe right now, sitting at a table in the corner isolated from the other customers. I tried to cure my headache as I took a sip of of my ordered lemon tea. Unfortunately, It's already lost the flavour.
You know what. Why am I thinking of him so much? Does it really matter? Even if I did all this worthless thinking, what can I do about it? Nothing, thats what.
I feel so...defenceless. I can't even protect my best friend, instead, I harmed her. I really, really want to be able to do something about all of this. It feels as if I've been abandoned by the two people who I...
Care about. Since when did Kwon Jiyong become apart of that list? When did he ever become apart of her live like this?
"I...hate you more than I thought." I said to myself, biting the straw with a grimace. No. I was only adding more questions for my life to answer. My first priority is Rinnie..I have to make it up to her somehow! I have to get that idiot playboy off of my mind!
"Your right, maybe I did fall in love with her!"
"Aughh, Get away!" I slapped the side of my head, trying to get rid of the sudden ringing of his words that day..it made my heart tingle, my feet become numb, my mind malfunction. My cheeks red. To be honest, I've never encountered this kind of relationship with anyone before.
"I don't like him. I don't like him. I don't like him!" A couple from across the cafe sent me gave me funny looks as I chanted over and over to myself. Biting my lip, I smacked my head down on the glass table. Even though my voice told my heart many times, it gave me an unsatisfying feeling. Am I being tricked?
"..but you'll get hurt if you end up falling for him.."
My attention was immediately absorbed by the sudden remembering of Seunghyun's words. I flinched as they continued to ring continuously in my mind, not disappearing even when I tried to think of something else. To this day I still haven't the slightest clue of what he meant. Maybe an idea, but could he really be that bad? If only I actually knew what I was doing half of the time, if only I knew of my own feelings. If-
I jumped out of surprise and stopped my train of thought as I felt a sudden vibrate in my left pocket. My hand immediately dug its way into the jean and took it out with a curious look. Flipping it open, it was a text message.
From Rinnie. Curious as to why she even bothered texting me, I pressed the "read" option and scanned its contents.
My eyes stared at the screen for a good ten seconds. Even though it was just a single word, it was obvious that she was calling me back to the house. Not having any second thoughts about this, I let my reflexes take over as I flipped the cover shut and placed it back into my pocket, grabbing my things and left the cafe. Taking this opportunity, I decided to make this meeting worthy, to make things right.
It was my only chance.
- CHAERIN's POV -
I waited for her in the kitchen, sliding my cellphone back in place after sending the text. Its shocking even for me to even be able to call her here like this. I had Mr. Kwon Jiyong around my finger, and it didn't bug me one bit. She should have found out by now, right? That Jiyong was neglecting her?
She deserved it. After how she made me feel. My head jolted up at the sound of heavy footsteps approaching the doorstep, and I knew she was here. Being her ex-best friend, I knew the sound of which member coming home on those steps and through that door. I watched as it opened with a loud creak, Dara bursting through it like a bullet. She's gotten here faster than expected.
My eyes sent her a message to stop lingering by the doorway and to come in. Really, she was acting as if entering a strangers home. I made my way over to her, in a familiar setting similar to yesterday's incident. I indicated her to sit down on the couch, which she obeyed. I took a seat across from her in a smooth and reserved way. The silence scarced the atmosphere for a moment before she finally decided to speak.
She wore a bothered look on her face. "Even though I'm the unnie here..I'm acting like a naive child."
It seemed as if she was bowing down to me in apology. I didn't call her here for that reason.
"Dara." I started, immediately gaining her full attention. We stared at eachother in a meaningful way for a few moments, it made me think of how we used to sit like this everyday in the past, telling eachother our feelings and secrets.
"I've been meaning to tell you this before. But I've always admired you."
I could tell this shocked her, because she indeed looked pretty surprised. I hated to admit it myself, but she was such a goody two shoes.
"Even though I'm the charismatic one, you got so much attention." I went on, feeling sudden bursts of anger that I tried to ignore. "I hate it."
This made her flinch. I know it was selfish of me to say, but it was true. Sometimes I just wished I had everything she had; the beauty, the ability to grab everyones hearts in both the ways of admiration and affection. I guess I was also influenced, because I admire her. My eyes narrowed in a troubled way,
"But its because of that, that I can't lose to you in Love."
Receiving no reply, I watched a shocked and bothered expression creep onto her face. Honestly speaking, I had no intention of breaking us apart like this, but she left me no choice. We sat in complete silence, taking in the seriousness of the atmosphere. I observed her from the corner of my eye, and I didn't like what I saw.
She seemed, very. Hurt.
I could just guess why.
I took a deep gulp. "Why did you make the fake agreement with Ji?"
She stuttered for a bit. "I...." Stopping to think for a moment, her eyes lit up in an oblivious sort of way. "I thought that since the press already had that much information, it wouldn't make any sense to deny it..you'd also be involved-"
"Your afraid to be drifted away from him, is that why your not admitting the truth to everyone?"
She looked shocked. "Chaerin!" Her voice was raised higher. "I was worried about you the whole time! Does it really matter now that you've made up that theory? And as for Jiyong, I've decided to stop messing around with him!"
"DARA, WAKE UP! YOUR NOT GETTING IT!" I shouted, my voice becoming more powerful. I ignored everything- ignored the fact that she would finally back away from Ji. Even though those were the words I wanted to hear all along...I was still ticked off. Really bad.
Without a second thought, I had already spilled out the hint to her problems.
"Don't you notice anything!? Why are you so oblivious to your own feelings! Why are you holding back to everything, trying to hide it!? Up until now, the reason why you took these actions, the reason why your here, its all because of goddamn love! YOU DID EVERYTHING FOR A REASON!"
I stood up from my seat, letting the outburst run through her mind. She looked dazed, spaced out in a thoughtful sort of way. I've never met anyone who was as idiotic as she was. It wasn't my original intention to suddenly let her know of her own feelings, but she left me no choice. It seemed like in a flash, the important things didn't matter anymore.
It pissed me off just watching her sleepwalk through life. She needed to make some choices.
"Your stupid, Dara." I whispered, shaking my head in a pity sort of way. "How do you dare to think you know someone else's heart when you don't even understand your own? This is why someone like you isn't able to understand my feelings."
Taking one last momentary glance at her, I walked off.
- DARA's POV -
It seemed like just awhile ago, me and Rinnie we're talking like we used to before all of this happened. Whenever we had problems with others around us, we'd always sit in that spot and gossip. And to think now, we'd be talking about eachother.
I thought about what she said. Instead of going back to god knows where I've been hanging out lately, I decided to go to my room. My room, where I haven't been in what seemed like a long time. It made me feel slightly better, returning to my own place and my own world. This was my home too, wasn't it? What the hell was I doing at Jiyong's house? This frustrated me. Can't I do anything right, anything without the influence or help of others?
There I go again. My thinking is really useless most of the time, especially in the end where I take no responsibility for my thoughts.
Chaerin's words still lingered in my mind, and wouldn't go away. It seemed like they were implanted there for a very long time. What did she mean, the reason why I took these actions, the reason why I was here? This all seemed so complicated to me. The image of that dumb blonde's face still wouldn't disappear from my mind, which didn't help the situation. It occurred to me that hes been playing a more significant role in my life lately.
Sometimes I really wonder why I'm so stupid myself.
Taking a glance at my digital clock beside my bed, I realized its been awhile since I returned home. It was already 8:00 PM. I wonder what Rinnie's doing in the house, right now. Has she been eating well? Maybe I should go make her some food...
Trying hard not to let my mind take control too much, I hopped out of my bed and adjusted the pillows a little, when suddenly something fell out of my pocket. Glancing to the mattress, was the crane Jiyong had made for me just before he randomly decided to neglect me. I grabbed it in my hands, speculating it for a moment.
"You!" I winced, "All because of you, too! Your appearing everywhere!"
As I playfully hit it from the side, my eyes spotted feint black words on the inside of the white paper. Curious as to why this is, I began to carefully unfold the paper, making sure I was able to put it back in place later on. As I reached the last fold, opening up the piece, I stared at the small blunt words written in capital letters.
Seeing this sudden message, I didn't know what to think of it. He definitely wrote this when I fell asleep that night, did he know this was going to happen? Why would he-
In other words, I took this as a sign to not give up. I was able to do this, I had to try! Just being here, back in the house under the same roof as Rinnie is an accomplishment. It was all up to me now, to make things right again. I couldn't forgive Jiyong that well either- why did he even have to tell her that we were going out!?
Putting the thought aside, I placed the crane back on my bed and slipped on my fuzzy purple slippers. Now, what would Chaerin like to eat? She likes american and italian food a lot, I think we still have some pasta left in the cabinets somewhere..
After exiting my room, I approached the kitchen with a cautious step. It was funny, why was I being so reserved in my own house? Wrapping up any excess thoughts of mine, I reached the island of the workplace and pulled out a cooking pot. As I walked over to the cabinets, I pulled the handle open and saw a package of spaghetti.
"She hasn't eaten." I thought, pulling a worried look. "If she did, those would have been gone by now."
In the middle of grabbing the contents, I felt another sudden vibration in my pocket. With a loud grunt, I reached and pulled out my phone once again, thinking that it could have been from Ji. I couldn't say I was disappointed after finding that I had received a text message from Seunghyun. Curiously, I paused what I was doing and opened up the message.
Hopefully as your reading this, you've made an attempt to success.
"Che.." I clicked my tongue, did he think this was all a game? I pressed a few buttons, and then clicked send with my message.
Funny. I'm about to make some food, so talk later plz..
I had received a quick reply, even though my phone was already half being put away. Sighing, I took it out again and read his reply. It shocked me.
Hey, your not falling for Ji for real...are you?
"Good question." I whispered to myself, staring at the screen blankly. Even thought deep inside, I wasn't so sure myself, I remembered I had already decided to stop letting him enter my life so much. After replying with a thick, blunt "No", I realized he did quite a good job in replying faster and faster.
Don't fall in love with him.
And since I know your going to ask why,
It's not worth it.
I was surprised by his reason. It caught me off guard, and didn't really understand why that was. It suddenly occurred to me what he meant; the piles of events that happened so far, the different emotions he made me feel..to this day, it was all because I met him. This gave me more of a reason to keep my distance..but it was harder than I thought. As I was thinking of how to reply, I decided to ask him about his mysterious love.
Dara: ...what about you? Hows that girl you've been talking about?
Seunghyun: Err, fine, I guess..
Dara: Whats she like?
He took awhile to answer, so I decided to start making the food. After placing the noodles in the pot, I finally received a reply. To my surprise it was short, he must have put a lot of thought into it. It also managed to trigger my curiosity once more.
Seunghyun: Shes weak.
Dara: Really? How so?
Seunghyun: Lets just say, shes not as strong as she thinks she is.
Dara: I'm sure she can be.
Seunghyun: Of course. Everyone can..but I feel that she leans on her own shoulder too much. You may not make the best choices from that, you know? Sometimes, you need someone else to comfort you.
I took his words into consideration for awhile. He must really like that girl, to be able to think so deeply of her like this. I need to hurry up and get stronger too, to fix my life.
Seunghyun: But I'm getting a feeling she'll be able to overcome it..very soon.
Dara: Thats a relief, then. I hope so too~! Send my regards!
Concluding the conversation, I turned my phone off and went back to work. Great, that took up some of my time. I wonder if Chaerin's in her room resting..I'll leave it out on the table later, for her to eat. On the other hand..I needed to go sort out some things.
It continued to rain harder the next day. At this point, everyone was probably back at home, with their families. On a typical gloomy day like this, you'd usually be entertaining yourself by watching some TV or hanging out with some neighborhood friends, but for the household of 2ne1...it wasn't anything like that.
She hadn't slept well. Dara, that is. Last night, she found herself doing nothing but lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling. Even though she decided to make things right..something really managed to bug her well.
"Why is it that everytime I try to be distant from you, you always appear in my mind.." She thought, still laying motionless in her bed. No doubt she was talking about anyone other than the blonde himself. In her right hand, was the crane, held tightly between her fingers. She spent the whole night looking at it back and forth, questioning her relationship with him.
It was just so hard to release him from her thoughts. She instantly felt a stab of guilt at her vow.
She wanted to see him. Strange, even after what she says, no matter how much she tried to distract herself she couldn't drive him away from her mind. Its like he was implanted there, unable to be ripped out. This was defeating the point of her decision... Although no one was to blame her. They've been through so much together since the first day..and now all of a sudden she had to forget him.
"This is dumb." Dara said, closing her eyes in frustration. Suddenly curious as to if her friend ate the bowl of noodles she made the other night, her feet released itself from the lazy numb feeling and made its way to the kitchen table. Slowly walking up from the corner, she peeked from behind the wall at the wooden tableset.
The bowl was still there, along with the noodles. It was left untouched.
This scarred her deeply, after the somewhat decent talk yesterday, she would have thought Rinnie would of at least bothered to eat her noodles. It really made her wonder how shes been living these days..
"What the hell are you snooping around for?"
She flicked herself around in surprise to the sudden voice. Coming face to face with a tired looking girl, her breath was immediately lost at the sight of Chaerin. She wore a grimace on her face, eyeing her from top to bottom. Dara opened her mouth to speak, but was only ignored as she was walked past by her. Her eyes watched as she approached the table, sitting down and picking up the chopsticks on the side. She did everything so naturally and casually, as if she was expecting some sort of meal to be ready for her.
Even though it was rude, it made Dara happy. Ignoring the still-bothered heart of hers, she slowly walked up to her best friend, standing at the space across from her. Chaerin simply ignored her presence and began to eat the noodles with soft slurps and gulps. After watching her eat for a few moments, she decided to talk.
"You really like those noodles."
"Uhn." Chaerin grunts.
"I can make those for you everyday"
"Go away!" She exclaimed, fire burning in her eyes. Dara jumped at this, watching her best friends face stuffed angrily with the noodles. It was sort of funny, but she decided to hold it in. Taking one last glance at her, she slowly backed away and went around the corner. It seemed as if shes alway shooed away lately, it was discomforting. After deciding to give her a little space, she proceeded to walk down the hallway and back into her room and let her eat.
Slowly sliding her way back to where she came from, her feet came to a stop at a sudden feint voice coming from the room across from hers. She recognized it as Bom Unnie's, and immediately guessed she was probably on the phone. Thats basically what she loves to do; talk on the phone at night. And usually they were always with different people, guess she loved to socialize.
Curious as to who she was talking to this time, Dara found herself slowly creeping towards the half-open doorway in a stealthy looking atmosphere. Stopping to lean herself by the wall, she watched from the side of her head at a chattering Bommie, sitting by her computer and eating an apple. After watching her nod her head and giggle a few times, she decided to walk in.
"Ah! Dara is here!" The unnie smiled, waving her over to the bed. The coffee haired girl took a seat and crossed her legs, tilting her head to the side.
"Who're you talking to?"
"Ah, our dong saeng's. They're really bored over at their apartment, so I decided to chat for awhile." Bom replied, nodding to whoever was talking to her at the moment. Dara's smile faded, when she said dong saeng, she meant Big Bang. Hearing this, she immediately wondered about a certain blonde. This is ridiculous. Is she still not able to forget him, even now?
"Ah!" Bom released the phone from her ear and held it in her hand, clutching it as she placed it on speaker. "Dara, Jiyong's on. Say hi to him!"
"Ji-" Without a second thought, she had grabbed the phone from her unnie and held it in her slap, staring at it with creased eyebrows. Not knowing why her reaction was so eager, she opened her mouth to speak. "Jiyong?"
There was no reply, nothing but the sound of static buzzing and the other members yelling and shouting in the background. Her heart sank a little at this, seems like he really was ignoring her.
"Huh?" Dara stayed in a frozen position as Bommie reached over and grabbed the phone back, tapping it with her fingers. As there was still no reply, she held it back to her ear and raised an eyebrow, finding that he had already hung up from the other line. "Strange. Are you two fighting or something? He was on just a few seconds ago...." She paused and lifted her head up to look at her friend when there was no reply. Her eyes became wide at the mesmerized and devestated look present on Dara's face.
"Hey?" Bom whispered, pressing end on the call and rolling on her chair over to the bedside. She placed a comforting hand on Dara's knee and looked at her from below. "You alright?"
Receiving nothing but a spaced out look, her hands shook the coffee haired girl's knee in a more urgent way. "Hey! Whats wrong with you?"
Dara's eyes flashed a flinch. She clenched her hands together to make two hard fists, then shot up from the bed and rolled herself off away from Bom's grip. As she ran towards the door, she turned herself around to give her friend one last determined look. Even though she was never effected by his attitude before...it really managed to tick her off well.
"I need to go somewhere."